


Rainforest Wedding

by WingGuardian



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Chocolate, Fluff, Fruit, M/M, NSFW, Sex, Smut, Sweet, Whipped Cream, explicit - Freeform, loving, so fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 23:02:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1582616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingGuardian/pseuds/WingGuardian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Weddings are supposed to be elegant, lovely affairs.</p><p> But in this work written for an anonymous prompt on tumblr, Jake English and Dirk Strider get married on the top floor of the Baltimore Aquarium, in the Rainforest Atrium. Dirk is wearing a tuxedo and Jake showed up in shorts.</p><p>There's no music and the cake is hidden at the end of a scavenger hunt. </p><p>Their first dance is to Shania Twain and Roxy is drunk before the reception.</p><p>The happy couple escape the orange soda and vodka punch and hole up in the Hilton penthouse suite. There's fruit, and chocolate, and whipped cream, and Jake never takes off his wedding boots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rainforest Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Anon on tumblr.
> 
> I asked for ficlet prompts and this first one turned out to be nearly 5000 words long. Wtf.
> 
> I just had way too much fun with this! Please follow me for more at: http://lineageofwhimsy.tumblr.com/. I am still accepting prompts as of this posting. But please don't expect them all to be 5000 words <3
> 
> ENJOY!

  
Rainforest Wedding

 

Weddings are supposed to be very special, elegant affairs with champagne and tuxedos and fine music from a six-piece band. Someone is supposed to get up and give a spectacular and embarrassing toast to the happy couple, complete with childhood anecdotes and well-wishes. Someone is supposed to cry.

However this wedding is not like that at all.

Your name is Jake English and tonight you are getting married to Dirk Strider on the top floor of the Baltimore Aquarium, in the Upland Tropical Rainforest atrium with the loud, squawking birds and running waterfalls and the moist heat of the air.

A large number of guests (arriving from an open invitation on the front doors and the promise of cake and orange soda spiked with champagne and vodka) fill in all the walkways, peering at the ceremony through large fronds and dripping branches. A croaking frog jumps between two trees and startles a woman so bad she gives a short shriek during the introductions. You laugh and a male hihi bird catcalls from the canopy. Everyone laughs at that.

Your soon to be husband smirks at you beneath his ridiculous pointy shades which, of course, were not to be removed for even the most special of ceremonies, but he has deigned to wear a full tuxedo, the most expensive he could find, with a green carnation in the breast pocket--for ironic purposes, seeing as how you're getting married in 93 degree temperatures. There is also a white veil clipped into his pointed, styled hair and its gauzey, dollar-store fabric is wrinkled and cracked oddly over his head. It is also for ironic purposes. He thought it was a brilliant idea and stood there looking like a million bucks and smirking like he knew it, too.  
You however had decided to get married in shorts. A pair of soft white shorts that cut off a few inches above your knees to go with the white jacket over a black tee-shirt. An orange carnation is in your breast pocket. You too have a dollar store veil clipped into your hair. And Roxy had insisted that you tuck a white and orange garter around your thigh, under your shorts for later. Her eyebrow waggles had been off the hook. To complete your look you had bought a pair of white lace-up boots to wear.

It was entirely Roxy's idea for you to wear white, and you'd shrugged, agreeing because Roxy must know best and went to your computer to purchase the correct items from eBay. Jane had rolled her eyes but took your shopping, claiming you couldn't buy your wedding outfit online.

So now you stand on a small overlook, with your best girls and your fiance and Dirk's younger brother to run the ceremony. He got specially ordained just to do this for you. 'Why not?' He'd said, and made Dirk promise to do the same when he finally put a ring on John's finger. They'd bro-fisted and you'd gone to help Jane with the cake. Your thoughts swirl.

You're standing before the love of your life and he's watching you behind his cool guy lenses. His eyebrows raise expectantly.

"Yo, jungle-boy, this is the part where you declare your undying love for the biggest douche I know and promise to bear him fifty strapping baby boys and swing from vines eternally into the sunset." Dave prompts you, a nearly identical expression on his face as on Dirk's own; his brows raised over his aviators, the slightest of smirks on his lips.

"Oh? Jimminy crickets, at the 'I do's already?" You pull at your collar, a bright flush taking your cheeks. Dirk rolls his eyes behind his glasses.

"Did you space through my rad vows, man?" He asks. "I'm hurt."

" _Dirk_ ," You groan. You know very well he hasn't given any vows yet. Dave must have burned through the traditional speech like he does everything else, and somehow avoided breaking out into an extensive rap.

"I'm waiting Jakey," He grins at you.

"Oh bother," You sigh.

The rest of the ceremony is short, and sweet, until Dirk compares you to the wild women of the Amazon and lauds his own prowess in bed. It's mortifying for everyone involved and when he kisses you he dips you near down to the ground, so low your stupid dollar store veil falls off. Dirk whispers that that won't be the only thing falling off you soon.

\---

The reception takes place inside the aquarium, where you and Dirk share an outrageously sappy first dance outside the shark tanks in the descending hallway to the sound of Shania Twain crooning 'Forever and Always' assaulting everyone's eardrums from Dave's iPhone. It's beautiful and perfect and you kiss every time one of the sand tiger sharks bumps its nose against the tank.

When the song ends Dirk dips you once again, supporting you easily while he lifts one of your legs off the ground. You hold it there while he trails his fingers up the hem of your shorts and snatches the garter, pulling it slowly and meaningfully off your leg and over your boot. Roxy whoops and whistles and shouts "Tha--thas how ish DON!". You knew she would tell him what leg you were wearing it on! That minx. You're every shade of red while Dirk launches it like a rubberband right into John's face. He makes a sound like one of the parrots upstairs and fumbles with it until Dave calmly shoves it into John's back pocket.

You mingle and laugh and give Jane and Roxy and Rose and Jade kisses and hugs and thank-you's and you shake John's hand and wish him luck tonight and Dirk smacks your ass lightly.

And then you and Dirk are preparing to slip off to your honeymoon, guests and friends and family disperse to the surrounding restaurants and mall. Your parting gifts to them were several bowls of orange soda punch with vodka and champagne in them to lead the way out in style, and coupons to different venues in the area.

Dirk and yourself also turned getting the cake into a game, a scavenger hunt filled with clues and a map. The six-tiered cake, which you two had laughingly hid at the Noodles restaurant in the inner harbor. You drew the maps yourself.

\---

Dirk rented you two a room in the harbor at the Hilton hotel, on the top floor in the penthouse suite for three nights before you'll be catching a plane to the real rainforest. Your room has its own spa tub, kitchenette, king sized bed, and all the amenities you can imagine. There's bottles of wine and champagne waiting for you in a metal bucket filled with ice just before your arrival, and Dirk had called ahead to have a large array of fruit and toppings sent to your room. And even so on your way over you stopped to buy a couple of burgers from McDonalds. He brings his own bottle of orange soda.

It's starting to get dark out by the time you're overlooking the harbor and pier from your windows. Dirk is in the kitchenette putting away his soda and your heart is pounding wildly. You can feel the way his eyes travel back to you again and again. Your king sized bed is beckoning and while Dirk is known for his patience that usually pertains to things he has yet to acquire. He has you, and you have him, and--

Oh!

When did he get behind you?

You feel his arms circle around your waist as he presses close behind you. You look down at his hands and see the simple gold ring encircling his finger, the way a matching one now encircles your own and you squeeze back against him, happiness in every thought.

"I've been waiting all day to get you alone," He says against your neck, dropping kisses right below your hairline. "You and those fucking shorts of yours." He tightens his hold on you.

"Is that so, my good fellow? I had no idea," You tease, tilting your head down so he may kiss the space just above your collar. "What with you waxing lewd about our bed sheets in front of our guests."

"Hm," He presses a soft bite into your skin, and you inhale softly, closing your eyes. "Simply reminding everyone what they've forever lost out on now that you're all mine for good." He licks the bite, which wasn't very hard, but the cool of air and his warm breath tingles, the touch tickles.

"Oh boy," You chuckle, and raise a hand to sweep into his hair, the other at his ear. Dirk's hips grind into your own, and you can feel the starched material of his tux pants pushed outward and poking at you. "G-golly, already?" He bites down again instead of answering, and his hands come up for the open sides of your jacket. He steps back enough to pull it from you, running his fingers over your bare arms.

"You've been waiting too, Jake, I know you have." He runs his hands down your back and stops at the hem of your simple black tee-shirt. "You've been blushing like a goddamned virgin all day. Wearing white? You must have known how I'd want to fuck you dirty." He drops the hem to grab two handfulls of your ass and squeeze roughly. You gasp, intermingled with a moan and bend forward, hands coming from his head to rest on the windowsill to brace yourself. You can hear Dirk breathe behind you, already deep with arousal.

"I'm going to fuck you on every surface in this room, Jake." He promises. You whimper as his hands knead and rub, how his fingers slide down to the ends of the fabric and dip just under before scraping back up to your rear for another grab.

"Dirk!" You groan, tucking your face into your shoulder. You never know what to do when he gets so verbose on his desires. "Y-you're putting me all out of sorts over here!"

He chuckles, and this time snatches the hem of your shirt and pulls it, making you straighten out to let it be removed. You turn around and pull him into a kiss, a hand on his shoulder, the other on his cheek. He grabs your waist and pushes you back against the window again. Your buckteeth, never having grown out of them, are no longer a barrier his tongue has to work around; Dirk knows the way into your mouth easily. You swipe each other with your tongues, breathing the same air and nipping at each other in interest. His hands move diligently over the expanse of your skin, pausing to thumb at your nipples, make you gasp, and to score down your sides, make you whimper. You pull at his bowtie, unbutton his coat, throw the carnation in the general direction of the bed.

You both back away and come together in the time it takes to strip Dirk of everything but his dress pants, and between kisses and desperate moans you fall together onto the grand bed. Dirk immediately climbs atop you and cages your body with his own bigger frame. You suck at his lips, bite them gently and pull at his meticulously styled hair until he grabs both your wrists and slams them down onto the bed.

"Naughty," He chastises with a devilish smirk, licking from your lips to your ear where he blows a gentle current of air.

"Diiirk," You whine, playing at trying to escape his firm hold.

"Nope," He goes on. "It is our wedding night, and I am going to have you in every way I can imagine until we pass out."

" _Oh God_ ," You tilt your head back and Dirk attacks your neck, sucking bruises into your olive tanned skin and downward till he has your left nipple between his teeth. Your squirming now, the front of your shorts tented painfully and your every nerve awake and eager.

"I even had some things prepared by the hotel just for tonight." He says, between licks of the abused nub of flesh.

You twist beneath him, sensitive and drawing in tight pulls of air. "What?"

Dirk gives your right nipple a quick nip just to make you cry out and backs off till he can get to the cart of melting ice, wine and champagne, and the platter of fruits and dipping sauces under a fancy metal dome. Underneath are strawberries, blue berries, cantaloupe, honeydew, pineapple, raspberries, cut banana and watermelon. To the side there's three gravy boats of a similar chrome with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and caramel sauce in them. You watch curiously as Dirk picks up one of the strawberries and dips it first in the chocolate and second into the whipped cream.   


He watches you as he licks the chocolate and cream from the underside of the red fruit, before biting delicately into the berry. Your flush deepens watching him. He dips the fruit again into the chocolate and whipped cream and bends over you again, offering the rest to you.

Two can play at this game! You decide, and you lean up on your forearms to swipe your tongue over the strawberry, catching the brown and white before it can drip over Dirk's bite marks. You watch him in return, your eyes connected as you lav the strawberry clean before taking your own bite. Its sweet juice drapes over your tongue and you close your eyes for a moment to savor it. You hear him make a soft sound in the back of his throat, and his hands are on you again, sticky and smoothing down your chest to your shorts.

"These have to come off  _now_ ," The blond declares. You couldn't agree more, and lift your hips as he undoes the button, draws the zipper carefully down over your erection and tugs the shorts down your hips. "Why Mr. English-Strider," He drawls. "No underwear? Under the eyes of God and in front of all those people. You bad boy."

"Simply hush, would you? Going to drive my bats out of the cave if you talk like that too much,"

"I have no idea what that means." Dirk replies after a moment. "But moving on. We're going to leave your boots on for now. This is a good look for you." You promptly attempt to kick him with said boot but it is easily intercepted and caught. A perfect blond eyebrow is raised at you again, and your captured leg is drawn out widely to your side, exposing your interested fleshrod and the curve of your thigh down to your rear. The extreme angle parts your cheeks for you a bit as well, and you watch his attention shift down to there. You can tell not by his eyes, still covered by those pointy glasses of his, but by his short grin, the tip of his tongue curling over his top lip.

"Dirk!" You protest, twisting your torso.

"Relax, bro. How many times have I had you here?" He asks evenly, still smirking, drawing his free fingers down over the thick of your flexed thigh and bypassing your balls to trace between your cheeks, touching just the lightest of pressure to your hole.

"Fuck on a stick!" You cry, abs contracting, hands gripping into the comforter.

"Hey Jake," Dirk begins. He licks his finger and then wiggles the tip against that clenching spot again.

"Kringle crackers,  _what_?" You wriggle, wanting that finger in, wanting more caresses, wanting more of Dirk against you.

"Wanna take a ride on  _my_  stick?"

....

There is silence for a moment as you gawk at your--Husband!--and then you're reaching for the decorative pillows above you to whack him with the first you grab. It's a long cylindrical one. It's quite apt and he lets go of you to defend himself.

"Hey, it was a legitimate question." He defends, dropping back on top of you to wrestle the pillow out of your hands.

"Way to spoil the mood, you!" You start laughing, for Dirk tilts his head down so you can see his orange eyes over the rims of his shades. He then waggles his eyebrows at you in a very Roxy manner. He does this until you simply collapse. "I am unable to take your coquettish malarkey anymore Dirk! I command you to make it up to me." He wiggles those brows at you three more times before giving a curt nod.

"As you wish my Amazon queen."

You roll your eyes, but you can't be bothered to complain when he starts trailing kisses down your chest, nips at your bellybutton and dips his tongue down against your skin to lick through the fine pelt of dark hair between your legs until that cool muscle dryly traces over the length of your penis to the very tip. Your whine fills the air around you. He licks at your head until his tongue starts to feel frictious, rougher than normal from a lack of saliva.

"Fuck, frog hoppers and sh-shingles," You grip the sheets again. Dirk watches you with no particular expression but his enjoyment is still obvious to you.

"Dude, when we fuck you make even less sense than normal." He points out, before taking the entire head of you into his mouth. Compared to the cool air the humid heat of his mouth is drastic, and you buck up under him. Two hands hold your hips down. Dirk pleasures you on his own terms, and you can only whine and whimper and plead for more. Dirk pulls away.

"Bulgepoppers, why did you stop?" You demand, feeling a mite breathless. He grabs the whipped cream and the chocolate from the nearby cart and dips his fingers into the cream it without answering, setting the chocolate aside but within reach. Soon he's tracing designs over your erection and--are those miniature penises he's drawing...  _on_  your penis? "Ugh!" You groan, dropping your head back. "You never make a lick of sense, Mr. Strider-English!"

You're back in his mouth without another explanation and your words leave you. Dirk continues to draw designs on your skin, but you cannot identify these from feel alone. You've begun to tremble, and quiver under him. How he licks you, sucks you down to his throat and pulls back just to do it again drives you mad.

"D-Dirk, my husband, I am, I am going to blow the volcano any moment! I-if you know what I mean!" You announce after a particularly decadent swirl of his tongue.

The heat vanishes and cold air assaults your wet dick.

"Cheese and crackers, no! That is the opposite of what is supposed to occur, good sir!" You pant, lifting onto one arm to look at him. Your attention is pulled downward however, for there are many designs drawn onto your skin in white cream and chocolate. A replica of Dirk's shades, his brothers (which you find somewhat weird), a terribly drawn skull and... is that a smuppet? "Good lord Dirk, is that a plush rump you have drawn on my thigh with a very phallus nose pointed at my--erm, plunderers cave?"

"Yep."

"...Very well." Sometimes one must not question these things. "Are you going to finish me off? Or perhaps remove those certainly ruined pants? I hope that wasn't a rental." You both look at the white stains, not caused by your prick which was very well cleaned of pre-come by your husband (though a drop squeezes from you now, and oh, embarrassing); but by the whipped cream. Surely chocolate stains the outside as well.

"I'll have it dry cleaned." He shrugs. You sit up, shaking your head and reach for the hook and zipper of them.

"My turn to cater to your sensitive nether regions, I believe," You explain, drawing down the zipper and unclasping him to reveal bright orange boxers. You can feel the heat of him through the silky material and lean over to give it a kiss through. "Hello there ol' chap. Been a while since we had a tongue waggle, hasn't it?" You say to his dick. Above you Dirk groans, hands coming into your hair tightly, to keep you in place. You grin and draw his trousers and boxers down his hips and over his erection, which springs up to say 'hi'.

"Anxious fellow, isn't he?" You ask Dirk.

"Why don't you give him a proper greeting babe?" Dirk suggest easily, though there is a breathy quality to his voice.

"A fine idea, husband," You reply, closing your eyes as your lips meet the soft skin, open slightly so the broad smooth of your teeth brush over him harmlessly. Above you Dirk makes a pleased noise and his hands tighten in your hair. You loll your tongue out and drag it over the impressive length of him, up and down to graze his balls, to catch his pre-come and swallow it down. Dirk's large hands direct you quickly back up to the head when you make for another pass down.

"Suck me, Jake," He commands. You open your mouth around him and his hips thrust himself up into your waiting mouth. You close up around him to the sound of his groaned " _Yes_ ," and you're smiling to yourself as you move over him. Swallowing extra saliva as it pools behind your lips and the taste of him as his excitement grows. You let him thrust up as you move down until you brace the connection of his thighs and groin to warn him you're at your limit. He holds still, trembling with his control and you reward him by swallowing around the head of his penis and giving it a warm vibrating hum.

"Fuck, Jake,"

You repeat this again and again, careful not to scrape your teeth more than necessary due to their size and soon his dick is soaking wet as you cannot swallow all of it back.

"Enough, shit, Jake, I have to fuck you-- _now_." He breathes out to you, and you sit up, wiping your shining lips.

"I was hoping you'd feel that way, husband," You're enjoying the sound of that very much, as well as the almost imperceptible shudder Dirk makes when you say it. "How shall we have our first time be, then?"

"Get on your knees and hold onto that headboard. You're going to need it." You enjoy a pleasant quake of anticipation and do as commanded, turning your back to Dirk and crawling to the headboard, feeling his eyes watching your ass as it sways with your movements on the plush mattress until you can hold onto the headboard. You look over your shoulder at him to see Dirk fetching lube from the inside pocket of his dress coat.

"Really?" You ask, incredulous.

"A Strider is prepared for anything." He replies easily, climbing back onto the bed behind you.

"Ah-ah, a Strider- _English_ ," You correct.

"Yeah," He agrees. And then you've got two broad, calloused hands on your bare ass and your head dips between your extended arms as you sigh. Dirk takes his time exploring the skin, pinching and rubbing and spreading you open again and again until you're sweating, knees shaking, and breath heavy.

"Would you hurry up?" You ask. "Remember what I said about the volcano popping? It's fit to explode any moment!"

A resounding  _crack_  fills the room as his hand strikes your left cheek sharply. You yelp loudly, jumping.

"What in blazes was the meaning of that?" You ask over your shoulder.

"You're too coherent." Dirk shrugs. "Besides, you're not allowed to cum until I say so. I told you I'm going to fuck you dirty, and it would be a shame if you passed out before round three."

"Crikey," You mutter, wiggling your bottom at him. "Best get on with it then?"

Another smack hits you. They don't hurt--but sting in a way that is familiar and terribly arousing. He  _knows_  how much you enjoy such treatment--but couldn't that wait until you've finally had him at least once? It is your wedding night after all and you are anxious to consummate it.

"I'll do it when I'm ready." Another sharp strike hits the right cheek this time. You bow your head and accept that Dirk has always done what he pleases with you, and you've yet had a reason to regret giving him that trust. He drives you up the wall--almost literally--as he spanks you red and raw.

"Please, Dirk! I am beseeching you to finally put that pecker of yours to work and fuck me!"

He chuckles at you but stops his whacks. You wait while he uncaps the lube and slicks up his fingers. He runs an appreciative hand over your pinkened rump and bends over to give each cheek a kiss. You sigh, and smile to yourself and his first finger breeches you smoothly, easily, going in to the third knuckle.

"Aah, yes," You rub back against it. Knowing you look obscene, knowing he loves your shows of neediness and want.

"Look how you swallowed that up, Jake," Dirk rumbles into your ear, his body over yours, his breath on your neck. "I think I should put something else in there, don't you?"

"Shits and giggles, Dirk, yes!"

"Interesting choice of words. How about, for 'shits and giggles', I stick this big prick of mine up your ass?" He suggests easily, twisting his finger and withdrawing it. "Think you can handle it, jungle queen?"

"Jesus, stop calling me that--" Dirk submits your ass to another round of strikes and you squawk indignantly. "Fudge in a cake, yes! In how many ways must I implore you, Dirk? Take that tallywhacker of yours and--"

Two fingers push into you, shove all the way up into your body as far as they can and curl up against your prostate expertly. Your dick spits out drops of cum and you fight to hold it back. Your fingers are white against the mahogany headboard.

"Spread your legs wider, English-Strider, I'm going to fuck you now."

You hurry and obey, your knees widening over the cool comforter and bracing yourself. His fingers leave you empty and wanting, but Dirk doesn't disappoint, he shifts his position again until he is behind you, one hand on your hip the other lining his prick up with your asshole and you moan with great pleasure as finally he slowly sinks inside you. The lube eases the way, as does the muscle memory of many a bedroom tussle. You accept Dirk's girth within you with a sigh and a moan.  
Behind you Dirk answers with a soft curse, both hands on the crease of your hips now. He wastes no time in pulling out, just to align and shove back into you sharply. He sets a pace that has your sweaty fingers clenching and gripping, simply holding on as Dirk fucks you through the valley of "almost there" to "I'm going to come  _now_ ".

"Dir--Drk," You gasp between deep strikes to your prostate. "Going to, going to come!"

"Hold on just another minute babe," He commands, head tilted up as sensation wrecks him. The next moment Dirk pulls out and tugs on your hips. "Let go Jake." You release the headboard and Dirk flips you onto your back.

"Oof! Dirk?"

He grabs your knees and spreads your legs wide, dropping them far apart and lifting you by your ass, using his fingers to spread you open so as he may thrust back into your body. Your head hits the soft beneath you as you cry out. An unnaturally strong fellow, Dirk pumps into you with wanton abandon, taking your body for his and staining your insides with his cum as he too nears his end.

"You're going to come Jake, I need you to come--now!" He commands, and you obey, as you obey him in many respects. Your orgasm flashes white and blue and orange behind your eyes as they squeeze shut. Your cum hits your lower stomach and catches in Dirk's naval. He continues to pump into you as hard as he can, gripping bruises into your tanned flesh until his own orgasm splatters you inside, warm and thick and heralded by a long curse.

Your legs splay weakly where they fall, shaking from the intensity of your coupling. Dirk is still within you, though you can feel his dick softening and coming loose of your body. You breathe heavily and grin up at him. He returns your grin with a smirk quirking one side of his lips, but his eyes are full of adoration. After a moment of relaxing he takes the whipped cream again and scoops a dollop out with a finger, dabbing it onto your nose, onto your lips.

Your turn to raise an eyebrow. He chuckles and bends down to lick them clean.

You take one of his hands and hold it tightly.

"That was pretty incredible for our first go at it as a wedded couple," You say happily.

"I wouldn't disappoint my wife on his wedding night, bro, that'd just be rude." Dirk replies proudly, that arrogant cock to his lips broadening.

"I am not your wife, you know." You roll your eyes good naturedly, stroking his hand gently, feeling the wedding ring warm and smooth under your finger.

Dirk boops your nose again with another bit of cream and just smirks at you. You stick out your tongue and he gives you more cream to lick off his fingers. You carefully suck and pull every bit from his skin. His eyes are burning for you.

From here on there will be nothing but wedded bliss for the two of you.

And all the sex Dirk promised.

 


End file.
